sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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