let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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