so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
All I want is dick and wine.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
