why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Someone came in the potted fern
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
