haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
