There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
