I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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