after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
