Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
