im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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