I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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