also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
