I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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