Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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