Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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