i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my liver is dry heaving
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
