He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
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