so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
