everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
