when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
