3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
