My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They are going to name an STD after you.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
