His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
