You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
