also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
