i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
