I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
