i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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