My room smells like vodka and shame
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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