You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
