don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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