He uses pillows to masturbate.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
