why didn't you poke me back
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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