i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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