tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
