Dual....:-)
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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