just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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