No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
