I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
