He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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