The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
