I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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