every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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