I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
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I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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