if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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