I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize