It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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