Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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