end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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