so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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