I faked an abortion last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
