i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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