the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
