This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My bed smells like the plague
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
