who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
