my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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