very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There was a lot of him and a little penis
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
my liver is dry heaving
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
