Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
