so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
