I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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