I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
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